Dark Blue, Dark Blue

Slow down.. this night's a perfect shade of
Dark blue (dark blue)
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room when I'm here with you
I said the world could be burning down
Dark blue (dark blue)
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room well I'm here with you
I said the world could be burning 'til there's nothing but dark blue..
Just dark blue

~Dark Blue by Jack's Mannequin

And it was like slow motion,
Standing there in my party dress,
In red lipstick,
With no one to impress,
And they're all laughing,
As I'm looking around the room,
But there's one thing missing,
And that was the moment I knew

~The moment I knew by Taylor Swift

Today was interesting. It was like a reassurance that I just don't fit in the way I used to. 

There at the Christmas party, I felt so lonely, yet there were people everywhere people saying my name and talking to me, yet I felt lonely and friendless.  People I adore and people I used to spend days on end with, never running out of things to say.  The girl who's supposedly my best friend, said 5 words to me all night. 
Don't get me wrong, the food was delicious, and I'm glad I went. My family was visiting with friends and talking and dancing. And it was still fun to some extent. Maybe just not as phenomenal as I had hoped for.

I would put on a smile and dance and visit but it was still lonely.  Fake smiles and laughs are almost more lonely than none it seems. 

Pointless, small talk and conversations to make it through each quarter of an hour.  

It was just a little disappointing since I was looking forward to this so much. Like every year, laughing and dancing with my friends yet this year, my friends just seemed so distant to me, or maybe more likely, I was more distant from them. 

How terrible the feeling.

Well, thank goodness for sister missionaries.

I talked with the sister missionaries, they are so wonderful.  They bring light and joy into my life everytime I talk to them! They are so marvelous and brilliant.  I adore them and I really do hope to be as great as they are one day when I'm a missionary. 

So, yes. The answer is yes. I felt alone in a crowded room.